"I'm a new soul, I came to this strange world...

"...hoping I could learn a bit 'bout how to give and take...


That song really has nothing to do with anything. I'm just listening to it right now. Somehow it seems to fit whatever mood I'm in, though. Today I'm in a confused-and-tired-and-not-knowing-why mood. And yessir, it fits alright...

I write with a dilemma in mind today. Today at church Kate mentioned something about her happiest memory. She wouldn't tell me what it was, because that spoils it apparently. But it got me thinking. I've had a lot of happy moments, but I can't think of one particular instant that stands out where I thought, "this is the happiest I've ever been."

Why is that?

I can think of my saddest memories, or the most scared memories... but of course, that's easy. But all in all, I'd say I've had a more happy life than not, so it should be easy to come up with something outstandingly happy. Right?

I remember one afternoon when I was feeling particularly poetic and philosophical. It was after a long Group Solutions day, and I was kinda down, and it started pouring rain. I had nothing to do so I grabbed my mp3player and went out and sat on the front lawn all alone, in the pouring rain, listening to all my slow, sad songs like that make me think, like "across the universe" and "fake plastic trees." That was my most zen moment, haha. Pleasant and peaceful. But not altogether happy.

One time at Mile High Pines camp when I went with the kids from Groups for a service trip, we were walking back to our cabins late at night after a billion rounds of poker. I was with Noah and Amelia, and we were all talking, walking quick because there was snow on the ground and it was freezing. Conveniently, none of us had jackets either. Then I looked up at saw how close and huge the stars looked, because up in the mountains, it's pitch black everywhere except the sky. I pointed this out and we stopped walking and just looked up for a long time. And something about it just made me really happy.

Then last week when I got out of my 3 hour art class, I nearly exploded with revelry at the thought of buying a long-anticipated soda. But does that really count?

I can think of multiple situations that always make me happy. Being at the harbor. Playing poker with Jon and Kate and listening to Sargent Pepper's Lonely Hearts Club Band. Writing. Listening to music in the car, just staring out the window and thinking. Being outside in the freezing rain and not even thinking about being cold. Wearing my beanie on an "in the house" day. Drinking coffee.

But there's not one particular instant of any of these that stands out by itself. Does everybody have one special moment? Maybe mine just hasn't come yet. Something tells me I'll know when it does. Or, at least, I'll know a few years later...