I was so good at writing every day on this thing... I think Finals is the mean monster that ate it up. Anyway, that's all over and donewith - no more Groups, no more piano, no more speech, no more vc, no more nothing. Anyway, not until January. Just me, sleep, music, food and Christmas shopping for the next week. And boy have I got to shop - right now my gift count is 0. Yikes.
Recently I've been scatterbrained and nostalgic, and poetic when I think to be. This can't be good for health, or entertainment. I've also been losing my glasses. Only I don't actually lose them - I put them places on purpose, so I don't have to wear them. I look better, but I get headaches and I can't see as well. Like right now. I'm counting on my amazing typing ability to pull this off. Sense? Nahhh.
Tonight was the last night of speech. And danged. Jon and Kate went to the Insomniac to see "It's a Wonderful Life" and I had to miss it. I'm so sad... and they're still not back, and that's one of my favoritest movies.... and gah. I had to miss it just because I have a stupid speech competition coming up in a few weeks that nobody's ready for. Pah.
I need some new music. I've worn all mine out for now. You know what I want for Christmas? Frames. Frames that I could paint and stick pictures I've drawn in. I got my grades back from vc classes - A's in kickboxing and art, of course... a B in math. Foo. Oh well, who needs it? It was only basic math anyway, which is embarrassing, but oddly enough right now I don't really care. I mean I should... but with school gone, along comes this feeling of "what the hell". I guess I should say 'heck'. See what I mean?
HAHA, that reminds me of a funny line about a rat on Pushing Daisies. But I won't say it here. Don't you hate that?
From where I'm sitting, overlooking the backyard, I can see the back of our neighbor's house. There's a large window from a bedroom at the back of that house, and there's a girl who lives in it. At night she turns on her light and vacuums, or works at her desk. I can see her silhouette and she can probably see mine. At first I didn't like it, but I got used to seeing her there... it's rather comforting, in fact.
Though, a strange thing about that house... recently I haven't seen her. Not only that, but a few weeks ago I noticed a series of smudges on the window. Really big, obvious, sweeping ones - hand prints, too. It's really quite eerie. Anyway, I still see her occasionally, but not as much. It seems that her life got busy right as mine opened up. Strange the way a perfect stranger's silhouette can make you feel, isn't it?
My whole life, I've loved airplanes - or since Mr. White first took me up on his little on, when I was nine. I loved them all over again when we went to Washington DC, when I was twelve. I haven't been on one since, but every time we drive to Ventura or church, or anywhere really, we pass by the little strip of an airport. Last Sunday, on the way to church, I saw 5 airplanes at different times. For a long while, airplanes have made me happy - I saw them as a sort of good luck charm, even. At least, I would smile every time I saw one. I'd think of how much I would love to fly, and how the land must look from up there, and how someday I want to get on a plane and just go someplace. Maybe even step on-board without even knowing where I was going. Just to go. That's what I want.
That's what planes have always symbolized to me. Only, suddenly this week, they make me sad. I don't know quite why, but it's true - I see the streams of white cloud following them in the day, and the blinking of their lights at night, and I suddenly feel very small and alone. I'll sit out at night and watch them sometimes from my front porch - I'll try to think about the people, but I've been less and less able to do that. All I can think about is the plane itself - and the thing that makes me saddest is, that the plane isn't a symbol of a new life anymore. It's just a stream of white cloud, a blinking light in a dark sky.
I want it to make me think of my future adventures in life - I want it to make me smile again.
... y'see? Scatterbrained and nostalgic. Siiigh. Christmas is a week away, Jon's home, I'm done with school - I've been so happy the last two days. Why do nights make me think of things like planes, and why can't nights be happy, too?
1 comment:
Where are you? I miss you!
Post a Comment